I was in the starting lineup in all the sports I played. I became a manager at 26, and in every job except one, I led a team of people. I was used to being in front. At the top. I was a top student. Top athlete. High performer.
As I thought about this quote, I realized, quite humbly, that I did not spend a lot of time on the bench.
But I am squarely sitting on the bench now. I am no longer the starting player. The team lead. The director. Life didn’t bench me—I took myself out of the game.
Why? When faced with my mortality, I realized I didn’t want to be remembered by the things I did, the titles I carried, or the accolades I received. As I imagined my funeral, I almost wanted to scream from my coffin, “I was more than that!” None of the achievements fully reflected who I was at my core.
I left my career to find that center. I left to try and live from that core. I left so I could see if I could build a life on my own worth, not dependent on others’ definitions, benchmarks, or accolades.
I thought I left leadership behind as well. I was going off to start my own business. To work for myself. I was going to pursue what I loved and nurture the part of me I had neglected for so many years. It felt like a selfish pursuit. Where’s the leadership in a solo project?
I'm tempted to say I’m not a leader because I do not have a title or a team to prove it. But as I’ve learned and witnessed throughout my career, leadership does not require a title. It doesn’t even require experience or seniority. It requires one thing – to SHOW UP. And to show up fully, wholly, committed to being the best you can be. And when you do that, you bring out the best in others. That, to me, is leadership.
I've been trying to figure out how to lead from this bench position I occupy now. As I thought about my nudge to start this little experiment, I realized that these Rambles are me, showing up. Fully. Wholly. Vulnerably. Doing my best to be true to who I am.
And I also realized that, perhaps, this is an attempt to find my team. To find my seat on the bench and the people I can cheer on. Because at the heart of all my rambles is (hopefully) a universal truth that you see in your own life. I share my experience and tell my story knowing you have your own version of the same story. I am not alone in figuring out what mastery means and the next-level challenge in front of me. I am not the only one searching for glimmers of hope in moments of despair. Nor am I unique in fighting the imaginary bears (read: fears) that occupy our minds.
Whether you (or I) realized this when you signed up, I just put myself on your bench—on your team. And I will do my best to lift you up, cheer you on, and I will cry with you when life hands you the inevitable losses.
Life is a team sport. We all have a role to play. Lead from where you are.
